Era Dating Articles
One of the most recurring mental blocks men face before they date is their eagerness to plunge into a deep, stable and unbreakable relationship. We must realize that men and women think, act and decide differently. Women thoroughly relish the long swelling waves of romancing that go up and down in their minds. They feel completely absorbed, engulfed and rejuvenated while going through the rigmarole of emotional upheavals. On the contrary, men like less drama, less of emotional splurge and more of stability, sailing in tranquility of a rock-steady relationship.
What is the result of this mismatch of perspectives? You rush in and latch on to the woman of your life – as if there is no tomorrow – and the woman is viewing it totally differently. She visualizes pain before pleasure. Spends time thinking of what holds in future, thereby neglecting how she can hold on to the present. Exclusivity, monogamy – women yearn for that – but all at the pace which she sets. The course and speed of the game is decided by her.
It is therefore important to appreciate that both men and women respond to different emotional clocks when it comes to developing a relationship; the sense of timing is mutually exclusive. The Big Trap is just this. You are in a hurry to grab, and eventually fall out of the race – for no fault of yours. Happening mostly to men who are a “One Woman Man” and who date infrequently, women also are frequent victims of the Big Trap, for they also wish to become a “One Man Russian Woman” and are monogamous by nature. Yet men who are cool about meeting and dating many women – which I sincerely plead you to follow – hardly fall into the Big Trap.
Your earnest desire is to bring an end to this tempestuous “affair” associated with dating and stabilize the relationship – none of the wildness of dating makes you happy – you want to go steady with a single woman. Reasons are aplenty for such behavior from men – seeking immediate but temporary monogamy. Definitely, a faulty understanding of women and wrong assumptions of their minds and beliefs is surely one of the main ones.
One more reason why men want to move fast is their restlessness to delve into the “unknown”. They hate to be kept in the dark for too long. The eternal question: will she agree to sex, won’t she agree to sex, bores and irritates the man. And with every passing day, the curiosity increases. If only such men knew the pleasures of a single man, without any holdings, free of emotional baggage – they would never get so stagnated and close all doors to glorious opportunities, that lie hidden.
So what happens when you are a victim of The Big Trap? You need to have a steady and stable relationship, as discussed above. As you carry on meeting women, your adrenalin rises to a peak, you get emotionally charged, yet with the lack of proper knowledge or understanding of the woman’s nature and expectations, you fall flat. You gradually start to lose ground. That affects your own sense of pride, self esteem. You start thinking romancing is a self-defeating exercise.
This is where a vicious cycle sets in. The more you lose out on women, the more you start hating not only yourself, but women too. The Loser Boy visits you often in your thoughts and dreams. It becomes impossible for you to improve upon your attitudes and behavior because remember: failure breeds failure, exactly the way success does. The miserable feeling amongst single men, is inevitable.
Or, perhaps you might date for a little while, find someone who doesn’t quite enthrall you, but you settle for the “second best” so to speak. Over a period of time, you start to realize, much to your disappointment, that you have settled for mediocrity – neither did you want this kind of woman, nor did you deserve her type. She, in turn gets more and more possessive – because she is also perhaps going through the same emotional drill as you are – settling for the “second best”. Physically may be together, but mentally, you are far, far apart.
This kind of negativity overwhelms you and since the very nature of such emotional upheavals is cyclical, it gets repeated over and over again. By now you would have already developed a fixed mindset: “Want to Get out of this soonest” – this very attitude destroys you further. The more you hate the concept of dating and meeting women, you are trying to evade the very process designed to improve your expertise in the area and bring about mental stability. It is time you thought like: “So many women, so little time”, as the wider and broader you make your choices, the more your chances of meeting many, many women.
Unless you broaden your horizon about women and dating, falling into the Big Trap will remain inevitable. Make women an “add on” to your otherwise glorious life, rather than the “end all and be all” of it. Don’t make her the reason for your existence – rather a small part of your existence. To ingratiate yourself with this kind of mental outlook is first, gather information (get empowered with knowledge), second, take the right decisions (act on the knowledge) and third, bask in the glory of your well-deserved success. Change the way you thought and acted till now, and be the man of your dreams, the man you always wanted to be.
If you want to attract women, you have to think like a salesman. Know what your clients want, and tune your product--that's you--to fit the clients' needs.
In order to do that, you have to do the same thing all marketers do to capture people's interest with their products: develop killer PACKAGING. Hey, let's face it: women judge men based on looks. And who can blame them? Before they can get to know you, they only have visual things to judge you on: your clothes, your height, your body language, your status. We men are just like any other product: in order to sell well, we need great packaging!
It all comes down to women's evolutionary instincts: find the best mate for them and their unborn children. How do they do this? By seeing which men are strong, which ones are successful, and which ones have high status.
While times have changed, still these instincts remain. One evolutionary scientist, Dr. David Buss, did a study of over 10,000 people in 37 countries, on six continents, and found that women value men based on three big things: ambition, status, and financial resources. Similarly, relationship expert, Andrea P. Roberts, suggests that women determine a man’s worthiness based on 3 "T’s", or "takais," a Japanese word that represents good qualities: education level, physical height, and salary level. Quite a bit deeper than having a nice ass and big breasts, isn’t it?
Okay, some of you may be thinking: Well, I’m not tall, and I’m not rich. Now what?!?
The good news is, height and wealth aren't the be-all and end-all of attraction; they're just aids to success. It’s similar to saying you want a really expensive car…but that doesn’t mean you’d never drive a Honda. In fact, for a lot of people (including women!), when you learn that Hondas have better mileage than Hummers, they can be more attractive! As Roberts writes, "even an ordinary man doesn’t have to be exceptionally rich or powerful to make women want him. It’s all a matter of the women’s perspective if he ends up taller, smarter or wealthier than them."
Got that? It’s all about perspective: how you market yourself successfully to a woman. Hey, lots of people know that Creative MP3 Players are better quality than I-Pods, but that doesn’t seem to stop Apple from selling I-Pods like hotcakes, does it? So if you’re short, or of average income, but present your positive traits in the right way, it won’t matter: you’ll become the I-Pods of men! As Roberts writes, "Think of Napoleon, Mickey Rooney or Groucho; they are humorous, artistic or politically powerful men who wooed women into their beds and, horizontally, the height issue wasn’t a factor. Polite and persuasive persistence is the best trait."
So what we have are five areas that we must market effectively if we want to spark an initial attraction from ukrainian women. After that, it’s up to you to show what a great guy you are: let her know you’re special, unique, one of a kind. That’s what makes you...a best-seller!
From an evolutionary stand-point, this one makes complete sense. Think cavemen and cave women in the Stone Age, with some of the weaker cavemen seeking a higher station in the tribe. Who do you think the cave women went for? The men who hobbled along meekly in the bottom of the order…or the men who strived for more and sought a higher place in the pack? Much of a woman’s desire to be with a man who is ambitious and seeks success, is based simply on survival: The more powerful the man, the more likely she’ll survive and live well. Logically, going for a guy who has no ambition means she’s likely to live in poverty and struggle. Not very appealing, is it?
So you have to present yourself as a guy who’s not satisfied with his station in life. This is good for both you and her. If you’re making $6 an hour at McDonald's and are content to stay there, not many women are going to be attracted to you. But if you’re making $6 an hour and working your ass off to own your own franchise, taking business classes at night so you can learn how to run a business: well, suddenly you’re not so bad-looking! Believe me, women will give men a chance, they want to give men a chance-–as long as they see potential. Know that quote, "Behind every great man is an even greater woman"? Show you've got potential and direction, and you'll get that great woman.
Again, evolutionary instincts of survival make women naturally attracted to men of high status. High status=good living for herself and her children. Fortunately, projecting high status does not have to be difficult; according to Roberts, "Wearing the right clothes, especially nice shoes, can go a long way toward portraying wealth. Taking on the unshaken or unworried attitude of wealthy men can project affluence. Hesitant, irresolute, bland men come across as having lower incomes and being less reliable." Got that? You don’t have to be a powerful, articulate man yourself–you just have to project similar qualities.
Some of ways you can show quality include:
* Not putting yourself down. Without being a braggart, talk positively about your accomplishments, job position, and possessions–even if they’re not much. If you treat things as a big deal, other people will, too. Conversely, if you downplay your accomplishments and character, women will, too. Your attitude is contagious, so make sure it's an enthusiastic, enlivening one that people enjoy.
* Act confidently around women. Don’t let women assume a higher status than you. Show them that YOU are the one with higher status. You can do this in a number of ways, including not acting impressed by a woman’s beauty or career (say, she’s a model); teasing her about her clothes or makeup; and asking her to buy you a drink. Chances are she won’t, but just by acting like you deserve it, you raise your status! She’s not such an untouchable goddess in the end.
Remember, as well, that women want to EARN a man; they relish the challenge of luring in a winning catch. So play hard to get: talk to other girls, say you’ve got to be leaving just when things are going well, don’t immediately ask for her phone number. If you act like a man who can have his pick of women, then chances are, you will!
* Knowing people of high status. This is a great one. Get to know the people of power: the club owners, bartenders, maitres’d. Position yourself as a sociable person who’s in the know. When a woman sees you getting special treatment and chatting with high-status people, she’ll see right away that you’re someone of importance. It will also reduce the importance of the other factors, such as height, money, and ambition; immediately you’ve proven yourself valuable.
* Social proof/Female acquaintances. Hey, nothing says, "This guy's attractive" than having females around him. Of course, the hotter they are, the hotter you look, but even just having average-looking female company can only help: it shows women that other women are interested in you. Do your best to get your female friends and family (sisters, cousins) to come out with you. It's social proof, and it works!
* Wearing nice clothes. "When a man is well dressed," writes communications expert, Leil Lowndes, "it signifies his ability to provide for her offspring." You don’t have to be rich and powerful to wear nice clothes. You just have to show that you’re a man of quality, a man headed towards somewhere who pays attention to dress (something women cna never get enough of). Formal clothes, such as a suit, convey that you are serious about success; you desire good things. So just by wearing a nice sports jacket, dress shirt, and slacks, you let a woman know you’re a man with status. You’re a man who could provide for her and her children.
The colors you wear are vital: Studies show that red, burgundy, and black clothes convey high status. So get yourself some slick black suits or formal wear, a red shirt, and one of my favorites (and girls’!), a sleek burgundy button-down shirt. They all convey regality and strength.
In the case of red, you have the added bonus of sexuality, power, and dominance: definitely good qualities to portray! Go and purchase a nice red polo shirt, or red tie for your suit.
If you enjoy white clothes–the color of purity and cleanliness–then make sure you work on your TAN. White clothes against a dark backdrop make you look exotic, sexy, and well-travelled. You don’t have to be an jet-setting playboy, to look like one!
* Winning body language. Women judge men by the way they move and position themselves; it’s part of their superior communication skills to know what a man is thinking or feeling based on his body language. So, position yourself in the right way: don’t slouch, sit upright, gaze at her knowingly, lean into her to initiate intimacy. I’ve got a great column on body language (http://www.000relationships.com/towomen/live/2006/08/08/body-language-and-dating-part-2/) that will teach you the right ways–and the wrong ways–to project high status.
3. Financial Resources
According to Matthew Fitzgerald, author of "Sex-ploitation," "Studies with college coeds show that when shown photographs of men dressed in high-status uniforms, ties, expensive watches, etc.) and low-status uniforms, these women would be significantly more willing to enter into relationships with the more expensively-attired males regardless of the man’s physical appearance. To a woman, attraction is simple: green is very good-looking."
Okay, so not every guy has money for expensive suits and watches, and materialism may not be part of your game. However, if you want to impress women, one of the fastest ways is by wearing snazzy clothes, sporting nice shoes (girls LOVE shoes!), and driving an expensive car. Especially when it comes to designer brands, women are VERY keen at spotting high-quality products. It’s just part of their nature; with expensive possessions come high status and ambition, and a more comfortable lifestyle. Again, this all comes from their instinctual drive for survival and prosperity for themselves and their children. By owning the best, you become the best. At least on the surface.
Ultimately, if you want true love it’s up to you to find women who share the same goals and values. If money and status aren’t the most important things in life for you, don’t chase the girls who do prioritize those things. Don’t go for the shallow, bitchy types who only judge a man by how much he can spend on her. Read my blog on choice (http://www.000relationships.com/towomen/live/2006/07/03/pro-choice) to gain a greater understanding of the importance of choosing only women who fit YOUR purpose, direction, and values.
4. Educational Level
Knowledge really is power, and on top of that, it’s an aphrodisiac! Gone are the days when being smart was acquainted with being a nerd; now, knowledge and intelligence are your friends. It’s the easiest way to money, and the easiest way to success. So show it off a little. Let her know your TALENTS, your interests, your areas of special knowledge. As Roberts writes, "Women are drawn to experts like the Crocodile Hunter, Bill Gates and Chris Rock because they’re experts in their industries." None of those guys is particularly good-looking, but they’re good at what they do, and parlay their knowledge into success, which drives women wild.
A guy who’s an expert is one who is clearly successful and of higher status. At the very least, having a special knowledge means you have the TOOLS for success, and can provide intellectual stimulation for a girl (which, unless she’s a bimbo with an IQ of 70, is quite important for women). Additionally, just being in school is a great way to show off your knowledge: "If you’re in school, not only are there more russian women available, but you’ve already demonstrated to them that you’re getting educated. Otherwise, it’s up to you to come across as reliable and credible without making her feel dumb."
5. Physical Aptitude
Physical height alone is an easy way to catch a woman’s attention, but it’s not the only thing. Again, evolutionary mechanics come into play here. A man who is tall, strong, and athletic is more likely to fend off threats to the woman and her children. He is also more likely to have a strong immune system, which will further aid their chances of survival. So, you can’t blame women too much for valuing these things: in the world of female attraction, it really is a survival of the fittest. Those who show women they are in shape and healthy are much more likely to survive the dating game! Ergo, athletes, bouncers, firemen get the girls.
As for height, it’s all a matter of perspective. We’ve all seen short guys with tall beautiful women. Neil Strauss himself, the best of the best pickup artists, is just 5'6" yet gets more beautiful women than we can imagine. How? By believing in himself. By positioning himself as a man of high status. By not bowing down to women of greater height or beauty. And by being a guy women know is fun and energetic to be around. In short, he’s got INNER GAME, and when you have that down, nothing can stop you. You may even find yourself dating women who are taller than you!
But remember, presenting a man who’s healthy and strong, willing to stand up for himself and the girl in a fight: that’s the kind of guy who women will go for, regardless of height. Did you know that men with strong immune systems give off pheromone scents that women are instinctually attracted to? If you pay attention to what you eat and go to the gym on a regular basis, you’re going to build your immune system up, and attract women without even trying! So do it, and watch the number of dates you get, soar.
In the end, men are like books: women judge them by their covers. But inside is an even great story. So make your cover captivating, and you’ll become a "best-seller" in no time!
Think back to the last time you had a conversation with a single woman you were interested in.
Let me ask you something... what were you focusing on the MOST? Was it:
Wondering if you'll get her phone number?
Trying to make a good impression, so she'll like you?
Doing your best to sound confident and smooth?
I've been thinking about this a lot today, and I realized that one of the biggest mistakes us guys make is that we are too focused on "what she thinks of us" or "if we're going to get what we want (phone number, first date, sex, etc)"... that we completely forget the purpose of the conversation, which is...
Getting to know the person in front of you!
It sounds simple, but if you remember this when you're in the real world talking to a real woman, you'll loosen up, and start genuinely try to get to know her, and she'll FEEL that.
If she feels like you are actually interested in her, she'll become MUCH more interested in YOU. I've got a few great tips for you to use next time you talk to a nice looking beautiful girl.
1: Notice what she gives you.
Here's what I mean. If, during the conversation, she mentions that she went bowling last week with her best friend, then you should ASK her about it. She's giving you a way to ask her about her personal interests, and she's hoping you'll pick up on that, and run with it.
If she mentions that she went bowling, you could follow up with any of the following questions or remarks:
* Oh that's cool, I used to bowl in a league. How often do you play?
* Who do you usually go bowling with? What other kind of things you and your friends to together?
* I think that's awesome that you like bowling, because it's one of my favorite things. How long have you been playing?
Remember, take what she gives you, and use it as an entry way into a deeper conversation about personal interests, instead of being stuck in endless small talk (which she doesn't want either).
2: Ask her direct questions about her personal interests.
Don't make the mistake of spending too much time talking about "surface level" stuff, like the weather, or the other people in the place, or the band that's playing.
That kind of conversation is only interesting for the first couple minutes, because she's waiting for you to take it to the next level.
Don't be afraid to just go ahead and ask her about herself. I know this sounds like common sense, but do you DO it in real life? If you see that she's wearing an interesting necklace, ask her about it. If you saw her playing pool before, ask her who taught her how to play.
The point is... you want to talk about personal stuff, not surface level crap. Start with small talk, but move out of it after a few minutes, or she'll get bored of the conversation (and so will you).
3: Don't ask for a date. OFFER a date instead.
You're not a child who has to ask permission anymore. If you want to take a woman out, just let her know that you're interested in make an offer to spend time together at some place interesting.
Lots of people make offers to you every day. Some you accept, some you don't. Here's an every day example:
When you go through the drive thru at a fast food place, and you order a sandwich, what do you almost ALWAYS hear? Usually you'll hear something like, "You can upgrade that to a combo meail for only a dollar more. Would you like to do that today?"
It's kind of the same thing with talking to women.
She's already ordered the sandwich by having a nice conversation with you right now. You can simply let her know that you enjoy her company, and you'd like to offer her a chance to continue getting to know each other. If she says no, it doesn't have anything to do with you as a person. It's just not something she's interested in, just like you're not interested in buying the combo meal sometimes.
Here's why I bring this up. Those fast food places that offer the combos with each order have dramatically increased their total sales volume by juat making that simple offer.
YOU could do the same thing with your love life!
You could dramatically increase the amount of women you date just by offering each one that you're interested in a chance to get to know you even better. If one says no... who cares? The next 2 will say yes. But ALWAYS make the offer.
The 14 year old kid at the drive thru isn't afraid of you saying "No thanks, and you shouldn't be afraid of some woman saying the same thing.
Remember, talking to women is not a sporting competition that you either win or lose. She's a real person who's giving you an opportunity to get to know her. She won't always make it so easy for you, but just keep trying.
Focusing on "getting a result" from the interaction is a huge mistake. It makes her feel like you see her as a "task" that needs to be completed instead of a person.
Do your best to get to know her, and forget about getting phone numbers and emails. When you become genuinely interested in the women you talk to, the phone numbers and emails will pile up faster than you can count them!
Here's a quick recap of the 3 tips...
1. Notice what cues she gives you to work with. Often she'll reveal tiny snippets of personal information, hoping that you'll take the ball and run with it. Pay attention to what she says, and use it as a doorway into deeper, and better conversation.
2. Ask her questions about her personal interests and passions. Try to get off the small talk after a few minutes. Start with something innocent and minor, but try to take the conversation to a personal level. It makes it more interesting for the both of you. Trust me, she DOESN'T want the conversation to stay surface level the whole time. If she does, then find someone else.
3. Would you like the combo meal? If you're even MILDLY interested in a woman, always make the offer to continue to get to know each other at another time. They won't all say yes, but if you don't offer... NONE of them will say yes.
Wayne Gretzky said, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." I couldn't agree more.
I hope you got a lot of value out of these tips. Now, you might be wondering what's next. What's the next step in learning how to be powerful with women.
In my opinion, one of the best skills you can have is knowing how to make out with women once you're actually ON the date with them.
If you haven't already, go check out my new report called "Makeout Mastery". In it, you'll learn all my best secrets for getting physical with any woman. You'll also learn what to DO on a date that will turn her on, and make her want to see you more and more.
Go ahead and check out this special web page, while it's still fresh in your mind.
Your eyes met at the Christmas barbecue, some anxious flirtation, dinner and a movie, a kiss, some more, and then maybe sex. Before you know it you're "going out" and the future is all sparkles. But before you get carried away with the promise of regular sex, the banishment of lonely Saturday nights and the end of the single ladies, maybe should do a little reality check to see if this is really Mr/Ms Right.
Here are a few observations you need to make:
How do they treat other people – their family, friends and work colleagues? If they treat these people in their lives with little respect, are cold, argumentative or mean to them, it might be that your new lover is not such a nice person when viewed without the aid of your lust coloured glasses.
Is this person what you really want or are they just convenient? You'll never get what you want until you know what it is. You'll never know what you want until you take the time to ask yourself. Sit down and write a list of all the qualities you're looking for in a mate. Take your time and keep your mind open, we're talking bottom line, not fantasy wish list. Now how does this person shape up?
Do you both want the same sort of relationship? Be honest here. If you want twice weekly rumpy pumpy and a companion for nocturnal adventures and they want a semi-detached cottage in the 'burbs with 2.4 standard children, it's really not gonna work out. It's not fair to yourself or your lover to maintain the illusion that you are willing to commit yourself to a full-blown relationship if you're not. It's OK to be undecided, but be honest about it.
A man can be part of the design of your life, not necessarily the redesign of your life.
- Glen Close
Patience is a virtue. Without it, it makes life that much more difficult. Not to mention a lot of times winding up dating a walking, talking real meat loaf! Many of us get in such a dating rut that we often settle for the person we are not compatible with. (Personality and character that is.) Just because you are having a little dry spell doesn't mean you have to settle for that man you are not compatible, or truly content with. Does it?
The only time a dry spell is good for you (yes, I said good for you) is when you can't stop judging a man by his looks. A dry spell can push you into dates with many men who wouldn't fit your mold for that ideal mate. You're attracted to him only after getting to know him. You have found in him more than what meets the eye. So yes, a dry spell can be good for you.
Sometimes it's a waiting game. You have to wait for that right one to come along, and avoid the ones who won't make you feel whole as a lover and a friend. The right man should be able to make you feet good and make you laugh. That should be just part of what you want in him.
Good things come to those who wait!
Write that out in big bold letters and tape it on your bathroom mirror, because good things do come to those who wait! What do you really have if you don't have the patience? Having a wonderful, loving, sex-filled relationship with someone is something we all want in a mate. That's not the only thing to life, but it comes pretty damn close.
Sometimes it's best to just not think about men. Yeah...RIGHT! Concentrate on your life. What do you like to do for a hobby?
I mean, besides looking for men!
Do what you most enjoy out of life. If it's men, do the second most enjoyable thing in your life. Don't think about having a man right now, because he will come. The more you think about it, the worse it gets. At times you just can't stop thinking about men. Haven't you ever noticed that? The time flies by when you stop thinking about them and do other things in your life. You just might suddenly find yourself in a relationship that you have been looking for all this time. When you have your mind on other things and letting the time go by, before you know it you just might find yourself in a good, stable, satisfying relationship with that man you have been looking for before. In most cases it works, and it works because you aren't thinking about it anymore, and therefore not trying anymore. Eventually he will come along.
This can also make you appear more appealing to the right men out there. They notice that on some women. You will be giving a signal of: I don't need a man to make me a whole woman. I can't explain it, but it does happen. At the same time though you want to be very friendly and pleasant to the men out there. Make yourself approachable and attractive, but in a nonchalant way. Being aloof is not an attractive trait to have. Men will tell you so.
That's the way life is for many people. There are those who have it all: A great job, easy breaks in life, money and success. While the rest have to work and wait for it. But is there anything wrong with working and waiting for what you really want? You have to be patient. It's hard to spend life without loving someone and being loved, but being patient can be the key to opening new doors for you. Concentrate on other things that will take up all of your idle time. The more you sit around, the more you think about men. Isn't it true? The more you keep your mind busy on other things, the less you are going to think about him. Then the faster he will come to you!
Not thinking about men all the time is also another benefit for you. It can refresh yourself when it's time to start looking again. That is, if you want to look again. It shows on you when you are refreshed. It's like your batteries are recharged. Your positive attitude shines through more. You're ready to try it again, but this time with more gusto and feeling. It will show on your face. You will feel it. So take that needed break.
Now with all this said, you may be a little confused. First I say you should date men who don't fit your mold for the ideal mate, and then I turn around and say you shouldn't date the ones who aren't your type. I think I better explain myself before you call me a typical male. I think I can make myself clearer by telling you a little story.
I was once friends with a single woman who had serious men problems. Her favorite saying is probably similar to yours: "He's either gay, a jerk, or is already taken." Well the day came when she met a man who she later began dating. She introduced him to me, and right then and there I knew he wasn't right for her. There was just something about him that set off a silent alarm for my friend. Maybe she knew it too, I don't know, but about a month later it turned out I was right. He landed up being your classic psycho. So of course my friend and I couldn't help but to pin that nickname on him. During their time together he would ALWAYS call her and, a little at a time, he would start to weird out. He was always asking where she's been, and he started getting that look in his eyes that can only be found at your local sanitarium. She naturally called it off, but he kept on calling, even at her job. Sound familiar? It took over a month before he got it out of his system. And longer for her to get him out of hers!
I knew he wasn't right just by the way he looked, and from his persona. A lot of times you can't tell what a person is like just by that, but with this guy you could. I think my friend could see it also, but she went out with him anyway because she was in one long dry spell. There are times when you shouldn't date some men because there are extreme differences. And I don't mean his height and he isn't as handsome as you would like him to be.
For now though, go with your intuition. Sometimes you know he isn't the one just by talking with him. He may not have that right personality or character, or there is just something about him that just isn't right. Don't go out with a certain man just because he is giving you his attention, or he is the only one around at the time when you know deep down it won't work. And yes, I know, sometimes you do need more time to know for sure, so make it a coffee date, just in case he isn't. Be sure to look for inner beauty, and see if his personality and / or character at least partially connects with yours.
Having a dry spell could be a blessing in disguise.
A dry spell...good for you? Now that sounds pretty stupid, I'll admit. But think about it, don't some of us tend to go out with someone who doesn't interest us, just because we are in a dry spell and will go out on this date because...IT'S A DATE?! Are you thinking? And for some of you, I'll bet dollars to doughnuts (don't ask me what that means) that sometime during your date he became more interesting and maybe more attractive to you. A dry spell can kick you in the butt in getting you to go out with men who you may think aren't your type. During this reluctant date he may not be so bad after all. Ahhh, the irony of it all.
Do you know someone or have a friend who fell in love with a man who didn't fit her mold for that ideal mate? Did she go out with him just because she was in a dry spell and later found him to be more attractive than from when she first saw him? We judge people by just the outer surface. We take one look at another and immediately judge whether or not they are worth a date, or getting to know, especially if this takes place at a bar or a club. Some things we don't want or avoid are many times wrapped in unattractive wrapping.
You can demonstrate your love for the special woman in your life in a number of small ways. Flowers and candy on special occasions are always nice but you can also surprise a Russian woman by offering smaller gestures on a daily basis. She will appreciate your thoughtfulness and understand that you are trying to show her how much she means to you.
One incredibly nice thing to do for her is simply to ask her how her day was and listen intently to her answer. Women enjoy talking about their personal issues and expressing an interest in her career or other areas of interest will be greatly appreciated. Listening carefully to her will let her know that you are interested in her thoughts and care about her feelings.
Cooking for a woman is another incredibly nice thing that you can do for her. Most women are the primary cooks in the relationship and giving her a night off from her usual kitchen duties is always a welcomed gesture. Don't worry if you don't know how to cook, it's really not that hard. There are many cook books and Internet sites that offer a wide variety or recipes. Pick one that sounds interesting and follow the instructions carefully.
Remembering and celebrating a small occasion is another nice gesture that women appreciate. It's always nice to celebrate on big occasions but if you remember the anniversary of another special day the woman in your life will be completely caught by surprise. For example celebrate the anniversary of the day you brought home your new puppy with a trip to a dog park.
Another incredibly nice thing to do for a woman is to give her compliments when they are unexpected. Women expect compliments when they put a lot of effort into their appearance but letting her know you think she is beautiful while she's running errands, demonstrates that you see her inner beauty shining through at all times. Compliments don't always have to be about physical characteristics either. You could compliment her on her career accomplishments and let her know that you appreciate how hard she works.
Handing over the remote control is another incredibly nice thing you can do for a woman. You may not want to sit through another episode of a home decorating show but allowing the woman in your life to indulge in this without complaining about her choice will show her that you are not belittling her interests.
If you want to do something really nice for the special woman in your life, get to know her family and friends. Woman value their relationships and she will be pleased about the fact that you take an interest in and get to know the other special people in her life. Caring about those that she loves shows her that you love her.
Still another incredibly nice thing to do for a woman is to write her a love letter and send it in the mail. Sure she sees you every day and you may even exchange emails and phone calls on a daily basis but a love letter is something that she can save in a special place and will cherish. Expressing your love in a letter is a special way to tell a woman that you care deeply about her.
Planning a trip for your woman is another incredibly nice thing you can do for her. A vacation is always nice but when you take the initiative and plan out all the details ahead of time, it shows that you want her to have the enjoyable experience of the trip but that you are willing to take care of all the planning. Women tend to take the lead in making travel arrangements and verifying the logistics of trips but if you take care of that ahead of time, the woman is free to just focus on packing for the trip.
Another incredibly nice thing to do for a woman is to surprise her at work by showing up for a lunch date. Woman always love to be surprised and your lunch date will give her the opportunity to get out of the office for a little while and enjoy some time with you. Many women skip lunch or work straight through it but giving her the opportunity to break away from her desk for even a half hour will give her a welcomed chance to relax a little bit.
Finally if you want to do something really nice for the woman in your life, it could be as simple as opening the car door for her when you go out. Women enjoy being independent but small chivalrous gestures are always appreciated. If you normally rush to the driver's side of the car and hop in, stop once in awhile to open her door first. It will show her that you want to protect and care for her and will make her feel well loved.
There are many ways you can show your love for the special woman in your life. Many of the items listed above may be seemingly small, inconsequential things but it is these little things that really show a woman that you care. Doing nice things for a woman demonstrate that you want to go out of your way to make sure that she is happy ukrainian lady.
When going out on a dating site there are some basics that are worth listing in a quick list to cover the essentials. Whilst we all know this stuff it is always worth reminding ourselves as guys as to how to get the foundations right.
This may sound cheeky but the worst thing you could do when going out on a date (especially if it is your first date with her) is to turn up unshaven, looking dirty and smelling. Women are the cleaner of the species and will judge you on how hygienic you are, after all, you would be appalled if she turned up for the date looking like a hippie that hadn`t bathed for a while (no offense). It doesn`t cost to take a bath and make an effort. Remember bad breath and body odor are an instant turn off and she will assume that this is how you are all the time. Even if you are just having a bad day (hey, girls have bad hair days all the time) she won`t see beyond your appearance - fickle, but true!
Arrive on Time
The worst thing you can do is turn up late! Turning up late will send out all the wrong impressions that you definitely don`t want her to think. Women always assume the worst and one of the worst is turning up late. Not only will she think that she has been stood up, but will also think that you are unreliable. If you are picking her up from her home, then it is advisable to turn up 5 minute before you are due. Any earlier and she will be adjusting her make up, or still getting ready and won`t want you to see her half finished. Turning up late... well just don`t!
Be a Gentleman
Hold the door open for her, let her walk through the door first, pull out her chair, be polite to her and the people around you. Women like to feel special and by treating her like a lady she will think you are fantastic.
The first thing to say to her is "you look beautiful" before you even ask how she is. Keep the compliments flowing throughout your date, such as "your hair looks nice, I like the color of it, your eyes are very sparkly" etc.. But do not go overboard! A woman loves to be complimented, feel sexy, gorgeous and beautiful. However, most important of all, she needs to feel you are attracted to her.
Listen to Her and Ask Questions
Nobody wants to spend the whole night listening to someone talk about themselves, or not listening to what the other person is saying. But you do have to get to know each other. Ask her questions, but more importantly listen to what she has to say. There is nothing more that a woman likes than when someone is interested in what they have to say.
I remember once I was sitting in a restaurant waiting for some friends. There was a man and woman sitting at the table next to mine and I couldn`t help overhearing their conversation (rather him talking about himself). I could tell it was their first date from what he was telling her about himself. "I play Saturday league football, I like boxing".... He went on like this for about 10 minutes without stopping, or asking her questions. She was just sitting there nodding slightly every so often, and looking bored. That day left an impact on me, and every time I have been on a date since, I have been conscious of the woman, and took an interest in what she had to say. This is probably the best bit of advice I could give.
The last thing you want is to be sitting having a meal and the conversation dry`s up, and you are left for the rest of the night bored with each other. Think about your date and what you would like to know about her, and in return what you would like her to know about you. Try and think of any questions that she might ask you, so that you can prepare the answer. You think that it is easy to talk, and that you will not run out of questions to ask, or that you will automatically have the answers. But until you are there, and in the situation, you have no idea what it will be like. You can avoid all of this by meeting for a quick drink, then go on to see a film, so at least you will have something to talk about.
Who Will Pay?
This is a really tough question, as now women are more independent and like to pay their way. I suggest that you offer to pay and if she, single lady, lets you, then pay. If she wants to pay, you can argue that you want to at least pay for half the bill. If she offers to split again, you can argue (that is if you want to), but if she insists on splitting then let her pay half.
The Goodnight Kiss
Some women prefer not to kiss after a date, others are disappointed if the guy doesn't even try. There is no easy answer to this. The only answer I can come up with is; wait until either she makes the first move, or that you both know when you are ready. Watch out for body language and little touches, but I would not advise sex on the first date unless she wants to.
I'll Call You
Only tell her that you will call her if you mean it, and intend on seeing her again. This is an awkward situation, and most of the time the easiest solution is, to take her number and tell her you will call her, but don`t if you are not interested. When saying good-bye just say "It was nice meeting you" and wish her luck, or you could just say good night, smile, and walk away. But if you do like her and are interested, then you have to let her know.
OK so you've chatted for hours with that guy/russian girl with the enticing nickname, you've poured your soul out in dozens of emails and now you feel it's time to kick it up a notch - that's right, a face to face meeting. Here are a few pointers to get the best results:
Phone first, then face to face
You shouldn't go from email flirting to dinner for two in just one step. Remember, you don't really know this person; it's easy to misrepresent yourself online. Test the waters with a couple of phone calls and take the opportunity to get to know them. See if the vibe's still there when you're chatting for real.
Safety first on your first date
For your own sake, set up your first date in a public place like a cafe or pub, where you know other people are going to be around. There's no need to get paranoid, but if you have inadvertently picked up a bunny boiler, it's good to have other people around if things get out of hand. Never meet at one of your homes.
Remember: no pressure
The purpose of a first date is to see if you want to go on a second date - that's all. Don't start fantasising about the wonderful life you two will be leading together. Just go see if you like them. It's a good idea to plan a short first date, like meeting for a coffee. If things go well you can always extend it.
Make a good impression - but not too good
Of course you want to impress your date, but you've also got to be yourself. Don't go overboard and get dressed to the nines or feel you have to impress them with a litany of all your accomplishments. Just act natural and go with the flow. The key is to have fun.